Thoughts From a February Thunderstorm

A while back (let’s just not say how long), I declared that it was my goal to have “the equivalent of a full-time job by the first of March”. Well guess what folks? Sunday marks this annual “lion or lamb” cliché; and, this whole job-train will have left the proverbial station (speaking of clichés…)

The problem has been several-fold:

1. I don’t really want to do anything right now that I could have done before I graduated. I think this comes from the fact that this event happened so recently; and, I subsequently feel that it should be worth something even though I know it really isn’t most times.

2. I’ve applied for different positions in different parts of the country, all of which seem to have a decision point around early-March, meaning there has been a lot of waiting as I don’t want to take a job just to leave and do something somewhere else.
   

Granted, I have some things going, like my completed application to substitute teach at my old high school, which could either be curiously interesting or god-awful – we’ll see. Moreover, this really makes me want to check out this “Eastbound and Down” show on HBO as it perfectly reflects my current situation I believe. I might also start teaching at a local music and dance studio that seems to really have its stuff together. Again, the lack of activity getting out to make things happen results from the constant uncertainty of my geographic location in the near future. On the plus side, I made some business cards the other night to prepare for the eventuality. This is also the first time in my life I have ever felt the need to have a business card, which at least might say something? Still, it is a pretty ridiculous card as I don’t really have a business to speak of really. They might just as well read:

Evan Smith
“I like to play music but will probably do pretty much anything for which you hire me”
Call me.

Complicating the matter is that during the past month I have been at least somewhat focused on finding agreeable employment, at least to the point where I have spent enough time on my computer to feel like an internet addict. This also manifests itself in making myself check my e-mail every ten minutes to see if my current situation has improved. However, over the weekend I had the extreme pleasure of seeing both Josh Roseman perform with UNI Jazz Band One, as well as Ben Allison and his band, Man Size Safe, play back to back nights in Cedar Falls and Iowa City (as well as at a clinic in between). Subsequently, it has provided me at least some quantity of new motivation; and, I have begun to think that maybe I would be better suited just to take advantage of the three remaining months I can spend living rent-free by working on a couple of large projects. I figure that I have the most time available that I will (although, as my friend Rachel and I discussed, this doesn’t always lead to more productivity; in fact, often the opposite). I have the idea right now to try to transcribe some important players that don’t really have anything out on the market to see if I can get a little collection published. I started on this today; and, it has made me realize I really don’t have any idea how to go about doing this after the actual transcribing is done. But, having a project made infinitely more productive anyway.

So, we’ll see how it goes. I think perhaps the fear of failure and the complete lack of money it would mean might kick my ass into doing something that will take some time and effort to complete.

I have also decided to write a book.